The day Thirteen almost ended my career

While I adore 99.999% of my children, occasionally there is a child who has tested me beyond normal limits. That doesn’t mean I don’t like them or I can’t learn from them but it is often…let’s call it a more ‘complex’ relationship.

Thirteen had pushed everyone’s buttons all day. And I mean A.L.L. D.A.Y. He had snarked at a couple of boys who had no patience with him and I could see them reaching the end of their rope with him. He had insulted some of the girls. He had pushed back at every attempt I had made to get him engaged or even to just let the rest of the class engage if he could be quiet. Nothing worked.

He eventually threatened to ‘do something’ and, while waving his arms around wildly, stormed out of the room. I mention the fact that he was waving his arms wildly because I had put my hands in between his arms and the backs of the heads of students he was walking by and, on the other side, between his arm and the chalkboard. Yes, I had chalkboards, that’s how long ago this was. I was making an attempt to keep him and the other students safe. Luckily I walked him out the door and told him to go to the office, which was literally ten feet away, but when the door opened there were two other teachers with their classes waiting on it being time to switch. So when he slammed open the door my co-teacher and a teacher from another grade were standing in the hallway watching him.

I sent a note to the office and our classes changed rooms and I started teaching again. No worries. I wouldn’t see him for the rest of the day and as much as I felt sorry for his last period teacher I couldn’t help but breathe a sign of relief that I had made it through. Until I got to the end of the day, I assumed he had gone to the office and had been sent back to class or had been sent home.

Instead, he had left the building and when he got home his mother had called and told my principal that I had slapped him across the face and that I had hit him so hard that there was a huge red welt on his face when he got home. When the principal told me about his mothers call my stomach dropped and I was very nearly sick. I have never felt that way before and I cannot imagine ever feeling that way again. In that moment I learned how isolated you can be in a school. Luckily there were the two teachers and two classes full of kids who could attest to his leaving my classroom unmarked and walking away and me going into my classroom with my next class. I wrote a lengthy description of the incident and went home, still feeling very insecure and worried because I had no idea what this child would do next.

In the morning I went in to talk to my principal since there might still be a modicum of doubt and we decided she could have my class write her notes and tell her in their own words what happened. I waited in the office and she went into my classroom before I had a chance to talk to any of them so nobody could accuse me of telling them what to write. In the end, she got 25 notes that absolved me of any wrongdoing and my point of view that clearly explained I had only ‘touched him’ when he was waving his arms around and I had my hands out on either side of him to keep him from hitting other children and hurting them, or the chalkboard and hurting himself.

Throughout the experience Thirteen taught me how easy it is to misunderstand people, misjudge people, or take things out of context and think you have the whole story. I’m not thankful I was accused of hitting a child, although I am deeply appreciative that I had so many observers, but I am thankful that I learned a lesson early in my career that you need to be careful. Had I been alone in that hallway or if my class had been vindictive, or cared more about keeping him from getting into trouble with his mother than telling the truth, I could have been unemployed and even gone to court.

What I learned from Thirteen is that there is no substitute for building relationships so people know you and who you are, and that no matter what you do you are only one accusation away from having to prove yourself and explain your actions…so you had better only say what you mean to say and do what you want associated with you.

I’m not sure I can thank Thirteen, it was a harrowing experience after all, but I can appreciate the lesson.