When Fourteen called and needed a ride

It was very late at night when my phone rang.

Let me back up for a minute…I always give all my students and their families my phone number so they can reach out if they have a question, a concern, or need help. I’ve gotten calls about needing help filling out paperwork, figuring out how to deal with family issues, invitations to parties and quincineras and baby showers and weddings, and I’ve also gotten calls that necessitate calling police, 911, and the Department of Youth Services. Because I believe that my families should always be able to depend on me for help, I have also gotten some strange mis-dials in the middle of the night. I assumed the call coming in was exactly that when I woke up and saw it was a former student but I was wrong.

When I picked up and heard Fourteen’s voice I knew something wasn’t right. She never gets upset. Sure, she had teenage drama like everyone does but she never got truly upset. But this time she was clearly agitated and sounded like she was at the end of her rope. Once she had gotten out that she needed help, I asked for the whole story. To boil it down from the very long story I heard that night, she had gone to a club with friends and the person driving had left her there. She didn’t have enough money to get a bus or cab home and couldn’t walk since it was over an hour by car.

I remember hearing embarrassment and concern in her voice that night. She hadn’t wanted to call me because even though she was sure I would say that I would come and get her, she didn’t want me to think less of her. Which I didn’t. I was, and am, so impressed by her. She knew what she needed and did the thing she least wanted to because it was the best and safest choice. It takes a lot to tell the person you least want to show your imperfections to that you have made a bad choice and now you’re stuck. I still struggle with that in my forties.

Yes, I got up and drove an hour+ to get her and then bring her home. I recognize that some people will think that is insane. I am just not one of them. I believe that when you form relationships with families you sometimes end up in the middle of situations that might be less than ideal, but if not me then who? If you’re scared to call youth services because you don’t want it to backfire and find yourself being investigated, trust me it happens, who better to rely on than a teacher? If you know you shouldn’t get in the car with someone who has been drinking and your mother won’t answer the phone, who better to call? As a teacher, I take my commitment to my students and their families very seriously. They are my kids for eight hours a day and these are my families for 180 days a year but it doesn’t end there. I don’t think they are only my responsibility for a short time. I believe that if you are truly building relationships in your school and district then you need to remember that your students will be the police officer you call in 15 years, and the nurse in the office you are a new patient at, and the guy you call to replace your windshield. All of which, and more, have happened to me. The city in which I teach is a small one and everyone knows each other. If you’re not someone who cares about your students, believe me, people will know. The next morning Fourteen told her mother, and at some point word got around. Two years later I had a parent of a child that was struggling who come up to me at a parent night and tell me they had asked for him to be in my homeroom because of the help I’d given Fourteen. She told me her son had gone through some things and didn’t believe anyone was truly there for him and she hoped that because he knew Fourteen and had heard the story that he would have a different experience with me.

Which is what I learned from Fourteen. I learned that sometimes doing something just because it is the right thing to do can have longer term effects than you can imagine. It changed the way I view people asking for help, and it also changed the way I treat problems when they come up. Both of which made me a better teacher and a better person. Thank you Fourteen.